Timid hope

What a gift that I get to celebrate my 4th Mother’s Day today - and my first as a mum of 3....seriously never thought this would be possible. For so many years I dreaded mother’s day as it represented impossible dreams and created that deep ache of a wound in my heart, but God. God does the impossible. Psalm 113:9 confirms that He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. He is Father to the fatherless, defender of widows--this is God, whose dwelling is holy. Motherhood is far more difficult than I ever imagined. So much insecurity, mistakes, learning. It is transforming me. Also teaching me about love in a way I never knew. I got a few minutes to reflect on this morning and this is where God took my memory so I wanted to write it down as a ‘stone of remembrance’ of His faithfulness. We are on a trip in Western China and at the time I had gone through 2 miscarriages. Honestly, I was scared to dream. Scared to hope. Scared to trust. They had these beautiful, traditional hats that I wanted to buy for kids, but I didn’t want to risk the disappointment of them never being used. I did it anyway, but again tried to protect my heart in the midst of timid hope and fear. Could I actually believe that He cared about me? About the deep longing and ache in my heart? As I learn more about our Father I am so thankful He is patient with me and continues to pursue me and ask me to trust Him.

When we were finally able to unpack our boxes they surfaced again and the kids love playing dress up with them. God is faithful.